Why would I do that? You cannot ever forget your past?
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Do I have control over my life? In short, not always. Am I changing this fact, through moderation & goals; yes.
Well what's next -- I've looked in the mirror, i can't have that. I don't want this and I know it's not the best decision but it needs to be made. i can't sit on it again. 7 years, we had a good run but I need to be done. I still care about you, I want you to be happy; at this point you just aren't making me happy.
[Should i wait and see, once the thing is out of my life, can I drag her around? Probably, but I don't want someone to drag around -- I want someone genuinely interested in the things that they're passionate about as I'd be towards them -- within reason of course.
Most likely the best case scenario is that I break it off with A, move out and hope for the best to be alone. As my as I'd like it to happen, she'd never go that far with me and it saddens me but I must make myself happy with the person I share my time with.
Perhaps, i'm only developing feelings for her because she's will to go out and do the things I'd like to do and we're very much different people -- probably. If I spend too much time thinking about that, I feel like i'm saying that just to make myself feel better, though it's highly likely that I'm correct in this observable assumption.
I'll tell you what I won't do... I won't
- Sit at home and watch TV
- Spend my free time with someone that isn't interested in what i care about.
- Not exercise anymore -- I'm too old to stop giving a fuck about my body, I like my life, it's exciting. And if i'm going to be here -- this part of me is going to feel good.
- be with someone who doesn't care about themselves, who refuses to acknowledge reality.