Sometimes life doesn't completely make sense and it's up to us to make decisions so that life becomes clearer to us and align us with our goals. Goals? Goals. Goals! Something I haven't considered before and perhaps the reason for certain situations in life and in love.
When I think back over the summer, and remember the things I've discovered, the people whom I've met and grown closer to. There's one person who has constantly been running through my mind. It's invigorating to think about, to be anxious about. So much that you rediscover dreams you didn't know you had or were long forgotten.
Dreams that you could change, at anytime. Dreams that could change you, at the turn of dime.
I keep questioning that it's a possibility, that you're real and that you'd feel the same. You've warned me. Perhaps, I've revealed all my intentions too soon. Perhaps it scared you, it scared me too.
Self doubt is something that I struggle with, it influences my decisions and clouds my vision.
The day we met at the Metropolitan museum of Art in NYC. I somewhat expected you to bring a friend. I imagined meeting you on the steps out front, chatting for a bit, people watching and then walking in together, but that was not to be. The steps were closed for construction. I made my way in, messaged some friends, and checked email while I waited to hear from you.
You messaged me, letting me know you were here. When you walked into The Great Room you were wearing flats, medium sized hoop earrings, a tank top, holding a leather jacket with your hair down and a hint of make up.
We made our way in, walked past the Egyptian relics and into the room holding the Template of Dendur, continuing through exhibit after exhibit and eventually out of the museum and into Central park for a stroll. Let me be honest as I possibly can, It took all my strength from grabbing and trying to hold your hand and I still do now. Let me also say that this day ranks as my most romantic day I've spent in the city up to that point. From leaving Central Park, going to grab a bite and watch the Giants at a bar in the upper west side, followed by a stroll down to Grand Central Station where we said our goodbyes; that was a perfect day.
Thinking back and reflecting on this, and to all the times we've went places, met up or ended up at the a place together., I still don't know where I stand with you. It's evident that you enjoy my company.
I know this conundrum is complex, some may say taboo, but can I just say that I love you.
Perhaps, I just can't. Yet.